Dave & Oakley
A Romantic-Fiction Piece.
I close my eyes and take in a very deep breath, filling my lungs with the warm summer air. I exhale audibly and open my eyes to see Dave looking at me with a small smile playing on his lips.
“What?” I ask and fold my arms.
“Nothing,” he says, trying not to laugh. “It’s just cute how you still do that thing.”
I frown at him.
“What thing?”
He laughs and reclines in his seat.
“Taking a deep breath to buy time while you think of what lie to tell.”
My frown deepens.
“You’re wrong.” He’s actually right.
He laughs again. “You’ve been doing it since you were four, Oakley. It’s your easiest tell. It’s kinda cute.”
“I wasn’t thinking of a lie,” I lie. “I just don’t know where to start the story from.”
“Well, we have-” He glances at his watch, “-the entire day. So, I’m listening.”
I close my eyes, about to take in another deep breath, but I catch myself.
“We just weren’t compatible anymore, I guess,” I say, picking at my nails under the table. “The spark wasn’t there anymore. Ending the relationship was mutual, it not a big thing.”
He raises his eyebrow at me and my heart flutters a bit.
“Walking away from a two-year relationship is definitely a big deal, Oakley. What aren’t you telling me?”
I look down at my fingers under the table because his stare is too intense, and the concern in his voice is going to make me cry.
“Longer relationships have ended for dumber reasons,” I say with a shrug, trying to ignore the knot forming in my chest. “Such is life and life is such.”
I look up again to meet his eyes and I know he doesn’t believe me.
He’s only worried about you, I tell myself, no need to be such a bitch about it.
“Come on Oak, you know I won’t buy that. Four months ago you were convinced he was going to propose, now you’re saying you were not compatible.”
The knot in my chest tightens, and I feel tears sting the back of my eyes. Dave can be annoyingly persistent when he’s pressing a topic, and although I usually end up telling him everything, I’m not ready to do so just yet.
“It’s fine, really I’m-”
“You’re clearly not okay. I’m just-”
“I said I’m fine, Dave!” I snap. My tone is harsh and my voice almost breaks. “I haven’t seen you in almost six months. Soon you’ll leave for another God-knows-what job across the country, and I won’t see you again till whenever you decide to show up. I’ve missed you so much and I was really looking forward to this lunch; so please can we talk about anything apart my failed relationship!?”
I’m surprised I’m not crying by the time I’m done with the sentence. He looks at me with mild surprise, and I think he’s going to push the topic again, but he doesn’t. Instead, his expression softens and he gives me a curt nod.
“I’m sorry, Oak.”
I don’t say anything. I just stare at the menu on the table, willing the moisture in my eyes to disappear. We sit in silence for a few minutes and I take the time to admire the scenery around us.
The sun is hanging low in the sky, spreading its warmth across my skin and we’re sitting on the veranda of our favourite lunch spot, a little place called Ferroh’s. From here, you can see the mountains in the far distance, and the view always takes my breath away.
Dave and I used to come here a lot when we attended college together. We’d sit for hours, talking about anything and everything. You’d think after knowing someone for more than twenty years, you’d eventually run out of things to say, but not us. Even the times we’d sit in silence were never awkward.
After graduation, two years ago, I stayed back in the city while Dave chose to travel around the country, pursuing his career. We haven’t seen much since then, but when he comes to town, we always meet here to catch up.
To me, it’s my sanctuary; my safe place. That’s why I never came here while I was dealing with my turbulent relationship.
The only memories I want associated with Ferroh’s are good ones. Just my best friend and I.
“So, how’s Raina doing?” Dave asks. His voice is careful like he doesn’t want to trigger me again.
I roll my eyes at him, grateful for the change in topic.
“Oh, she’s great,” I reply. I’m composed again, and the thought of my godmother brings a smile to my face. “As great as any woman you’d see at eighty-seven”
“She’s still not selling the house, huh?” he asks with a laugh.
“Nope,” I say with a laugh of my own. “Nobody’s trying to convince her to anymore. I’m sure she’d die in that old dump, sometimes I think sure she wants to.”
We laugh together.
“You Ornell women have always been stubborn,” he says, winking slightly at me.
My heart flutters again and I look away, trying not to blush.
David Branson is a very handsome man, and he was the first boy I ever liked. As children, I admired him and held him in awe, because he treated me like I was a princess, protecting me everywhere we went. We were inseparable as teens, but nothing romantic ever happened between us till the end of high school.
I’m still not sure what it was, but we had a thing. It only lasted for a few months, but it was everything ten-year-old Oakley fantasised it would be.
Things were perfect until his dad passed away suddenly and Dave became depressed. For a long time, he was sad and distant, angry at the whole world. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him alone, so I deferred college for a year to be there for him while he grieved.
We both pretend that phase never happened, but it did, and sometimes I wonder what we’d be today if things had been different.
I look at him again and he’s staring at me with an intensity that sends a slight shiver down my spine.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask, cocking my brow.
Now it’s his turn to blush and look away. A tiny part of me celebrates that victory.
“Oakley.” He clears his throat, and he suddenly looks nervous. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Apprehension fills my chest. He has that same look he did when we were eight and he accidentally killed Martha, my goldfish.
“Sure, what’s up?” I reply, attempting to keep my tone light.
He takes a deep breath.
“I got a job, a permanent one this time, and it’s for a really big firm.”
My shoulders sag in relief, and a smile spreads across my face.
“Oh my God, Dave! Congratulations! That’s a very big deal.”
I’m excited, but he’s not. I reach across the table and weave his hands with mine.
“That’s great news. What’s the problem?”
“The firm is in Europe, Oakley, and I resume immediately, so I leave for Italy in a few days.”
My heart drops.
“Oh.”
I slowly release my hands from his and recline back in my seat. Dave sighs, frustrated.
“I’m so sorry, Oak. I know this is sudden. It all happened so fast, and the offer was too good for me to refuse.”
I don’t reply him because I don’t understand how I’m feeling. We’ve barely seen since we finished college, but I’ve never felt like he was far away. We texted every day and called regularly, and I always knew that he was just a flight or a long drive away.
We’ve never been apart for all my life; same pre-school, same middle school, same high school, and we got our degrees together. We had plans on how we’d one day settle down in the same city together, so our children could be friends.
Now he’s leaving me.
“Oakley, look at me.”
I do. His eyes are pleading.
“This is a huge opportunity for me. It’s the point of all the work I’ve been doing, I had to take it.”
Realisation hits me. He’s got a life-changing opportunity and I’m only thinking of myself. If the roles were reversed, he’d be very happy for me, and here I am, making it about me.
“You don’t owe me any explanations, Dave,” I say, trying my best to muster a smile. “You deserve every good thing that happens to you. I’m happy for you, truly.”
He sighs. “Oakley, I-”
“No, really, it’s fine. We-”
“Oakley, listen to me-”
“You’d come see me during holidays if you’re not too busy-”
“Oak, slow down-”
I am rambling; every thought in my head is desperate to be expressed.
“But you won’t be too busy right? I mean-”
“Oakley.” He is irritated, but I do not care.
“So what happens if-”
“Oakley, I want you to come with me!”
I stop abruptly.
What?
“I want you to come with me to Italy,” he says. “We’d stay in the apartment I’m getting together. We’d find you a very nice job, you can even go back to school if you want to. This is a new phase of my life, but it just won’t be the same without you. I want you for this chapter and for every one after that. I want you with me… forever.”
My heart races as I process his words.
“Dave. Are you…”
He laughs slightly.
“I don’t know, Oak. I guess I am,” he says. “Truth is, I’ve been thinking about you; a lot. I miss you, Oak, I really do. I hate being so far away from you, it kills me.” He picks up his glass of water and swirls it around a bit. “One of the reasons I haven’t been around a lot in the past two years is Jason.”
I cringe slightly at the mention of my ex-boyfriend.
“I hated seeing you with him. I always tried to be civil for your sake, but I never liked him. He never loved you, and you know it. You were unhappy, Oak. Maybe not the entire time, but for a long time, you were, and it killed me. It killed me because you deserved so much better, and it killed me because I wanted you all to myself.”
The overwhelming impact of his words makes my stomach somersault. For a long time, I thought my feelings for Dave were one-sided. Apart from those few intimate months, we shared almost five years ago, he never acted like he wanted anything more than friendship.
I used to resent him for acting like that period never happened, but in time I accepted it and focused on suppressing my feelings. Being with Jason made it easier, but many times I still longed for those moments.
“Dave,” I finally say. “This is a lot to take in.”
He nods. “I know, and I’m sorry to dump this all on you so suddenly. Truth is, for a very long time, I was too afraid to admit it to myself. I hate that the reality of losing you forever was the push I needed.”
There’s a moment in silence.
“When do you leave?” I ask.
“Three days.”
I take in a deep breath.
“That’s a short time for me to make a decision, Dave. I don’t think if I can.”
“Why not, Oak?”
I look up, wanting to take offence, but the sincerity on his face tugs on every string in my heart.
“Dave…” I trail off with a sigh.
I want to tell him that I’m too busy, and I have a lot going on, so I can’t just up and leave. I want to tell him that I’m still not over my breakup with Jason, so I don’t want to get into anything new. I want to tell him that I don’t feel the same way about him.
But I’d be lying.
I don’t have anything serious going on, I was over Jason long before I ended the relationship, and to God, I am still hopelessly in love with this man in front of me. So what’s my problem?
“We’ve been friends for a very very long time,” I start. Our eyes are locked, and I summon all the willpower in me not to break eye contact. “What we have is good, you are the most important person in my life. But the thing is, I have a lot going on at the moment, I just can’t leave it all behind. Plus, my relationship just ended, Dave, I’m not ready to get in another.”
Wait! My brain screams at me. What are you saying, Oakley!?
Dave looks away and then back at me; his expression is unreadable.
“What did you used to say, those years ago, when I got into trouble. You’d tell me, ‘we’ll figure it out together’. Oakley, it’s my turn to tell you that I don’t know how, or care how long it takes, but we’ll figure how to make it work. I promise. Just tell me you’d come with me.”
Tell him yes! Say yes!
I hesitate and he must sense my reluctance because he scoffs and folds his hands across his chest. His expression was neutral before but now I can see a trace of sadness across his face.
“Remember that night at Niro’s creek, the month before my dad died?” he asks.
“Yes,” I barely whisper. How could I forget one of the best nights of my life?
“You showed me a new constellation.” He laughs. “Well, you thought it was new, and you told me that it represents our love, because it was shaped like the infinity sign.”
“That was years ago, Dave, I was a teenage girl and I knew nothing about stars.”
And why are you bringing this moment up now, for the first time, after all these years!?
“But when you said you’d love me forever; did you mean that?”
The conflicting feelings in my heart threaten to rip it into pieces.
“Tell me, Oakley,” Dave says, his voice is hoarse. “Look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
I look up at him, tears welling in my eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Dave. I don’t anymore, not like that.”
He laughs bitterly and looks down at the ground, then he looks at me again and scoffs. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me immediately because the look of pain on his face is the most heart-wrenching sight I’ve ever seen.
“I understand.”
My heart is aching and I can’t process my thoughts. The voice in my head screams at me, telling me to take it back, but I ignore her. We sit in silence for a minute, till I hear the sound of his chair scraping the ground as he stands up.
I force myself to look at him; achingly beautiful, but sad.
“I’ll call you when I settle down. Take care of yourself, Oak.” He walks over to me and pecks my forehead.
As he’s walking out, he turns and tries to give me a slight smile. I don’t want him to leave like this. I want to call out to him. I should say his name. But I don’t do anything.
I just blink back the tears as he walks out, wondering if I’ll ever see him again.
I look around Ferro’s.
So much for only happy memories.
“I just got so scared, Raina,” I say, stabbing my puffy eyes with more tissue. “I don’t know why.”
I’m in my godmother’s arms, and she’s stroking my hair as I cry my eyes out into her arms.
“Shh,” she coos. “It’s okay, my child.”
“But it’s not.” My voice is strained. “God, he must hate me so much.”
The thought threatens to bring another wave of tears from my eyes but Raina notices and she hugs me closer.
“David could never hate you, child. He loves you more than anybody I’ve seen. Sometimes, I think he even loves you more than I do.”
She chuckles to herself. I try to laugh with her but I fail miserably.
“I hurt him, Rai. You should have seen the look on his face as he left, like he never wanted to see me again. OhGod.”
I feel nauseous. My head is throbbing and there’s an open void in my heart, aching to be filled.
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just sad. He’ll forgive you.”
I don’t reply. I just hold her tighter as she gently rocks me in her arms.
My godmother raised me since the day I was born. My mother died during childbirth and my deadbeat dad only lasted long enough in my life to drop me at her doorstep, before he took off. Raina is the only parent I’ve ever known, and her house, this battered and beaten bungalow I’m currently sulking in, is the only home I’ve ever known.
The familiar walls, ever-present wooden scent, and her comforting presence bring me so much peace. Being close to her is one of the reasons I didn’t leave town after I finished college. I’ve lived here all my life, and despite Raina being adamant that I need to ‘broaden my horizons’, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
A year ago, a real estate company from the city started buying all the surrounding property, claiming they wanted to renovate the entire area. Almost all her neighbours have sold their houses and moved to another part of town, but Raina is adamant that she would never sell and I’m so glad she hasn’t succumbed to the pressure.
She’s strong-willed, never compromising on what she wants.
I wish I was like her.
“Do you love him, child?”
“Yes, Rai. You know I do.” I sniffle slightly.
“So what’s holding you back?”
I sigh. It’s a thought I’ve been avoiding.
“Being with Jason drained me, a lot,” I finally admit. “At first, he was so sweet and funny, and I think I liked him for a while, but he never made me feel loved. He never understood me; never knew me. Sometimes, he made me feel so small, like I didn’t deserve to be loved. Many times, nothing I did or said was ever enough for him. I know it’s stupid, but I held on to him for so long because I didn’t want to be alone. I thought if I pretended to be happy, then maybe I’d eventually be, but all I ever was, was sad.”
Raina strokes my hair gently as I gather my thoughts.
“It’s different with Dave. I know he’s nothing like Jason. I guess I just panicked. What if he doesn’t find me worthy of being loved? What if he doesn’t love me like he claims he does? What if I’m not enough for him?”
My voice is timid as I finish the sentence, but I feel a weight lift off my chest. For a long time, I was ashamed to admit what that relationship did to my self-esteem, and I didn’t realise how much it was holding me down.
“Child, of course you’re worthy of being loved.” Her voice is calm and soothing. “You can’t trap yourself in a box forever because of that asshole.”
“Raina!” I exclaim with a laugh. My godmother never cursed.
“But that’s what he is,” she says, stroking my forehead with a smile. “I don’t know what you ever saw in him.”
“Yeah… that makes two of us.”
We fall into silence for a few seconds.
“The bond between you and David as children was so strong. I never understood it. His parents had just moved into town when you were turning four. We went over to welcome them, and the both of you just clicked immediately. You’d always want to invite him to dinner, or go to the park with him. I was just happy you finally had a friend.”
I smile at the memory; distant and faded, but still tangible.
“When his parents got divorced and his mom left, he was always sad. But you’d never let him be alone, you were like a guardian angel sent to him. You were both very young, maybe only five, but I sensed that there was a bigger purpose to the bond that was between you two.”
I absorb her words in silence, till she pulls me up to sit beside her. She wipes my eyes and cups my cheeks in her hands.
“Life is full of risks, my dear. Love, above all, demands courage. Don’t let your fear or insecurity hold you back. David, of all people, deserves to be given a chance. Your heart says yes; that’s all that should matter to you. To hell with your fears, my child.”
I look at her; so old and so beautiful and so full of wisdom. I hug her again, and she holds me even tighter.
“You’re right,” I say, holding back a sob. “To hell with my fears.”
She murmurs in agreement, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead.
I want to call Dave immediately but I hesitate for a few hours. I procrastinate because I don’t know what to say, and partly because I don’t think he wants to talk to me. But I have made my decision to go with him.
Despite my fears, I love him and I won’t let the scars from my past stop me from what could be a beautiful future.
Eventually, I muster the courage and dial his number.
It rings once. Then twice. Then a beep.
Voicemail.
I take in a deep breath.
“Dave, it’s Oakley. I’ve been thinking about you, about yesterday and everything you said. I lied, Dave and I’m so sorry. I do love you. More than you know, and I never stopped for once. I want to be with you. So, yes. I’ll go with you to Italy. I’ll start this chapter with you. I’m so scared and I don’t know how we’ll make it work, but I don’t care anymore. As long as I’m with you, Dave, we’ll figure it out together. Please call me as soon as you can.”
I let out a deep breath as I click send, and it’s like a huge burden is lifted from my shoulders. I toss my phone on my bed and fall on my back beside it. I can’t wipe the smile on my face, and I’m so giddy with excitement.
Fantasies float around my head; travelling together, buying a new house together, maybe even starting a family together. I will myself to relax, I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t even know if he still wants me to come with him, or if he’ll even forgive me.
So, for now, we wait.
Raina left the house an hour ago for her church counselling meeting so I’m all alone in this tiny house. The hours stretch into eternity as I wait for his reply. I’m anxious and my mind is restless.
I don’t even know when I doze off until a ringing sound wakes me up.
My phone.
I pick it up immediately.
“Dave.”
I expect his familiar voice but a stranger replies to me.
“Hello? Is this Oakley?”
It’s a woman. Jealousy clouds my senses.
“Yes, who is this?”
“My name is officer Paula from the Fontana district division. There’s been an accident,” she says. Her voice is calm and compassionate. “We found this phone in the wreckage. I’m sorry, but the owner, he didn’t make it, he died in the crash. Your number was the emergency contact, so we-”
I zone her out because the world stops.
There’s a ringing in my ears and I can’t hear anything else. My phone falls to the ground first, then my entire body follows. At first, I lie on the ground in silence, trying to make sense of her words as they replay in my brain over and over again.
He didn’t make it. He died in the crash.
I remember the sadness in his eyes as he walked away from me yesterday, and a sharp pain pierces through my soul. Suddenly, I can make sense of her words.
Dave is dead.
I don’t know when I start to scream, but I do. I scream and shout and make all sorts of inhumane noises as the tears pour freely down my face. I cry for a long time and by the time I feel Raina’s arms around me, my entire body is numb and I’m clutching at my chest on the ground.
I don’t move, I don’t speak, and I can’t cry anymore.
My brain is throbbing, and only one thought replays in my head.
Dave is dead.
The weeks after his death pass in a blur. I don’t notice the passage of time because I do not care. I think I’ve cried enough tears to last a lifetime, and my body can’t even produce tears anymore.
I’m alive, but I’m not living. I don’t think I want to live.
Raina is angry with me; she’s mad I won’t eat, she’s mad I won’t speak, she’s mad I won’t leave my room. But she doesn’t understand how I feel.
How it feels like the most vital organ of my twenty-four years in existence has been ripped from inside my body, and what’s left in his place is a gaping, hollow, hole.
I haven’t left my room or spoken to anyone since Dave died, but I’ve been listening. The police came to see Raina, well to see me, the day after the accident. I guess they wanted more information. I couldn’t hear their conversation properly over the constant ringing in my ears, but I could pick up a few details.
“Drunk truck driver didn’t see him”, “died on the spot”, and “driving on Freeway intersection”.
When I heard the last part, something deep in me broke. Freeway intersection is the only road that connects my town to the rest of the city, and if Dave was driving on it when he died, it only means he was coming here. To see me.
Raina had asked the officers that came if we could get access to his body and his belongings, so we could bury him, but they refused. “Next of kin and family only,” they had said.
I had almost barged out of my room to scream at them that he has no family, we’re all that he had, but my will failed me. I just slumped behind my door and cried again.
I’ve felt a lot of strong emotions in the past weeks; grief, guilt, sadness. But the most overwhelming has been anger. I’ve been so angry.
Angry at the world for being so unfair.
Angry that he’ll never fulfil his dreams.
Angry that they won’t release his body to us.
Angry that the drunk driver gets to live while Dave is dead.
Angry that I’ll never see him again, or know if he got my last message.
And I’ve been angry at myself too, more than anything else.
Angry that I ruined the last moments we had together.
Angry that he died thinking I didn’t love him again.
Angry that I broke his heart.
I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. Even when the grief subsides, and I inevitably have to put myself back together and move on, I am always going to blame myself for Dave’s death.
Last night, Raina had said, “It’s not your fault, child”, multiple times through my locked door. And while I agree with her, I don’t think I’m fully absolved of all the blame.
He died coming to meet me, even after I hurt him so deeply, and it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life. I’m going to be stuck with just fantasies of what could have been if I wasn’t too scared to take a chance.
“I love you, Dave,” I whisper.
I pray and wait for his response.
Nothing comes.
He’s not here anymore.
Just me and my regret, lying together in the darkness of my room.
This was definitely interesting to write. A shorter piece written from Dave’s POV has also been published.
Read it below.
And always remember Reina Ornell’s words, “Love, above all, demands Courage”.
My favorite ❤️