From the little moments when I was still getting to know you, I knew that loving you would be complicated.
You might get offended at this, but trust me when I say that this is not a complaint. But it’s also not a compliment.
I really do love you. And I do love loving you. And I want to keep loving you. I do… but, my God.
You make it so damn difficult sometimes.
People say “love is pain”, and Taylor Swift once said, “Love is torture”, but your love is none of those things.
If your love was pain, I’d just walk away from it; if it was torture, then I’d scream out for help.
Your love is complicated, and no matter how much I try to figure it out, I just can’t.
It’s in your words, and it’s in your unsaid words, but it’s also in your actions more than anything else.
You say you want something that’s real, but you’re not willing to do what it takes to get it. You say you’re willing to go all the way to one hundred, but swallowing your pride to take step one is too hard for you. You say you want my advice because you know I’ll never validate your excesses, but you get it and you do nothing with it.
I don’t understand it.
And I don’t understand why loving you is complicated.
I’m not asking for easy; I’ve never asked for easy. All I’m asking is for a love that’s straightforward.
I don’t want to have to prove, or to have to beg, or to have to perform, before you see that I mean what I say.
Many guys claim to be fans of the “chase” and of the “thrill”, but I prefer my efforts met halfway.
I prefer reciprocity because I know the things I offer to you and the things I do and will do for you.
So, if you do love me as you say, then middle ground shouldn’t be hard for us to find.
My love definitely isn’t complicated.
Maybe that’s the reason we don’t work.
Maybe you’re used to a love that’s rigid and restrictive, the kind of love that comes with a certain kind of pain, a pain that your bruised self-esteem has gotten so used to romancing that you don’t believe you deserve anything better than it.
Maybe that’s the kind of love you want, but that’s not the love you should want.
Even if you demand that kind of love, I wouldn’t be the one to give it to you, because that kind of love is complicated.
And loving me is not complicated.
All I ask for are three things: Effort, Trust, Intelligence.
Effort to back your words with the right actions. Trust in me and my love for you, even on the most difficult days. Intelligence to know the things to say and do, when to say and do them, and how to say and do them.
You try with the intelligence part, and you sometimes make a commendable effort, but trust? You don’t trust me.
I don’t think you do; not as much as you should and definitely not as much as you say you do.
That’s one of the reasons loving you is complicated.
I’m patient with you; I know I’ve been, and I know you know that I have been too.
I understand where you’re coming from; I understand the baggage that you carry, and I understand that you have unhealed scars from the past that you haven’t let heal properly.
That’s why I try.
That’s why I wait, and I stretch out my hand at the edge of the pool when you’re drowning, and I tell you to grab it so I can lift you up.
But you never do.
Every single time, you panic and you retreat, and you drown further in the pool.
You’d rather swim alone and risk drowning than grab my hand and take a chance at salvation.
Swimming alone is predictable, but taking my hand is uncertain, and you hate uncertainty.
I’m sorry if you’ve reached out to helping hands before, and all they did was shove you back into the pool to drown as they laughed at you.
I’m really sorry.
But I’m not them, and they were not me, and I try my best to show this to you every single day.
Yet, you wonder why you should trust me.
Why should you trust me when the ones you trusted in the past also failed you?
Well, you have no reason to, and that’s why you don’t, and that’s why loving you is complicated.
I wonder if you loving yourself is also complicated.
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Who do you see? Why do you see what you see?
Does the image you see reflect hope for the future, or is your reflection merely a harrowing reminder of a fractured past?
I’m asking you even though I know you won’t tell me.
You don’t have to tell me, but at least you can be honest with yourself.
If you loving yourself is complicated, then you letting anybody love you will always be complicated.
The love we accept or reject reflects the love that dwells inside of us, and we all accept or reject the love we think we deserve.
Or don’t deserve.
I believe that you believe that you don’t deserve my uncomplicated love, but still, here I stand, giving it to you.
It’s not perfect, but it’s willing to try for you.
People say I’m crazy for loving you like this, since all you return my love with are puzzles of emotions and riddles of feelings.
Some people say I don’t love myself enough, and that’s why I relentlessly pour out my love into a basket that’s filled with holes.
But they don’t understand my love, and I don’t expect them to.
I’m good by myself, and I have never claimed to need you, because I don’t, but I do want you.
I want you here.
I don’t see you as a “basket with holes”; I see you as mine, the one I love.
Loving you is complicated, I know, but it doesn’t always have to be this way.
I hope it won’t always be this way, but only you can decide that.
Unfortunately, I’m not going to be here forever because even the most enduring of all love grows weary.
That’s not a threat, I promise. It’s just the harsh reality of life.
One day, I will take my imperfect but willing love with me, and I will walk away forever.
However, that day has not come.
Today, I am still here, standing at the edge of the pool, stretching out my hand to you.
You don’t have to drown alone.
Just trust me.
Take my hand.
Take my uncomplicated love.
If you’re perceptive enough, you can interpret this in many ways…
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Been going through something similar in reality. This hits, you didn't write my imagination, you wrote my reality... To think I wanted to write something similar but couldn't because I fear she'd see it😂. Thank you man
I love everything part of this. These are words I need my lover to hear!!!