the lies of regret.
should you really have “known better?”
Regret is a cruel storyteller.
She rewrites the past with the wisdom of the present.
She convinces you that you should have known better when, in reality, you had no way of knowing at all.
She makes you look back and see how obvious everything was.
The red flags.
The wrong turns.
The things you should have said.
The things you should not have done.
And that’s the part that frustrates you the most.
The way everything seems to scream: “You should have known!”
But should you?
Could you really have predicted that things would end this way?
I mean, if you knew things would end badly, would you not have done better?
Of course, you would have.
You’re not the same person now that you were when you made the choice.
You didn’t have the clarity you have now.
So, in truth, there’s no way you could have known.
Why then are you being so hard on yourself?
Why won’t you forgive yourself and let the past go?
Why do you focus so much on a past that you can’t change?
It’s because you keep listening to the lies of regret.
I think we all have those moments that haunt us.
• That chance you finally got but didn’t take because you were scared.
• That relationship you let go of too soon, or the one you stayed in for too long.
• That opportunity you let pass you by because you didn’t believe in yourself enough.
• That person you hurt, intentionally or not, who it’s too late to reconcile with.
You probably have one or two of those.
But in your defence, you genuinely did not know.
At the time, you made a decision you thought was good.
However, regret doesn’t care about that.
She will whisper, “You should have known better.”
Even though you were doing the best you could.
She will say, “You should have seen it coming.”
Even though some things are only clear in retrospect.
Sometimes, she gets extremely wicked, and she makes you feel like you have failed.
Not just in that moment, but in life.
She sums up your entire existence into that one mistake, and she judges you harshly for it.
Or she makes you do it to yourself.
The side of regret that hurts more is when you knew.
You knew the right step to take.
You knew that fear was holding you back.
You knew that staying in that situation was not good for you.
You did.
Maybe you even predicted the outcome.
Maybe that voice in your head already told you what would happen.
Maybe it had happened before the first and the second and the third time, so of course, it was going to happen again.
Yet you went ahead anyways.
You did that thing. Or you didn’t do that thing.
And now you’re facing the consequences.
Now you’re regretting.
That’s a different kind of pain.
In that case, your regret might be justified.
BUT…
The truth is even if you had thought through all the possibilities, and had played every scenario in your head, and had made the most calculated, well-intentioned decision you could ever make, things could still have gone wrong.
And that is just life.
Sometimes, you do everything right and it still doesn’t work out.
Sometimes, you prepare, plan, and pray, and it still falls apart.
Sometimes, what seemed like a sure thing turns out to be a mistake, and what seemed like a mistake turns out to be a blessing.
Life can be unpredictable like that.
And it just is what it is.
Now what?
Well…
The only way forward is that you forgive yourself.
Regret will try to keep you trapped in the past.
Your mind will replay the “what ifs.”
That voice in your head will always remind you of how you should have known better.
It will call you all sorts of names and label you all sorts of things.
It will prey on your deepest insecurities and remind you how “worthless” you are.
It will mock, and shame, and berate you, over and over again.
You don’t have to listen to it.
You are not that person anymore.
You’re not the same man or woman you were when you made that decision yesterday, or last week, or two months ago, or three years ago.
You know better now.
You know better today.
If you’re ever in that situation again, you know what it is to do.
You know the right thing to do.
So, please, my friend, take what you’ve learnt and move on.
I know it’s easier said than done.
I know it’s going to be difficult.
I know it’s easier to forgive yourself than it is to forget.
Especially if you’re reminded of the consequences of that action every day.
But you still have to keep going.
And the earlier you start, the better it is for you.
You can’t keep holding on to your past errors, because all they do is keep you stagnant.
You can’t change what you have done.
You can only change what you do next.
Every day, life keeps going forward, regardless of what happens to anyone.
You do not want to be left behind.
Look up.
Look ahead.
Look in front of you.
Therein lies your freedom.
READ NEXT-
O wise one, this is so lovely! We need more🥺
I really like the way you formated/outlined it. It makes it easier for your eyes to digest. And the content is great as well. Very well written