the panic of growing older
we’re all scared.
If you did WAEC between 2016 and 2020, then you’ll probably remember a poem by Lenrie Peters that had the same title as this post.
It’s a deep narrative that encapsulates the whole reality of adulthood.
Read it HERE.
Another year is ending.
Which means you’ve probably already had your birthday this year.
(and if you haven’t yet, then what are you still waiting for?)
The point is, you’re older today than you were 365 days ago.
In 365 days, you’ll be older than you are today.
You’re getting older.
I’m getting older.
The thought probably scares you.
Maybe it scares me too.
There would be no shame in that.
It can seem a bit daunting that just a few years ago, we lived lives that were, more or less, “carefree”, with little to no responsibilities.
Up to 90% of the decisions that guided our lives was not in our hands.
All we did was chill, eat, sleep and do as we were told, occasionally.
Other people handled the important stuff.
But now, today, one simple choice, decision or action can drastically alter the direction of our lives, positively or negatively.
All of a sudden, almost 100% of the control of our lives is in our hands.
And it’s like,
“Yo! What the heck, man? Nobody prepared me for this sh*t!”
There was no manual.
No directional guide.
No prior warning that it would be like this.
There’s even no room for “trial and error”, because every action leads to consequences that must be faced.
It is something to be scared about.
No shame there.
Growing older is a funny thing.
Adulthood doesn’t come as this big, dramatic event or announcement.
It’s very subtle.
It’s in the thousand tiny shifts that occur in the quietness of our life as we carry on in this thing called living.
It’s in the daily decisions that creep up without warning, the ones that we, all of a sudden, have to make by ourselves.
What’s even more daunting for me is the awareness.
The awareness of “I’m getting old”.
The awareness that time isn’t as infinitely stretched out as it used to seem.
The awareness that we actually have to do something and be something in this period of time that we have.
That’s usually when this “panic” starts to set in.
It’s present in:
The weight of expectations.
The fear of falling behind.
The ache of constantly wondering if you’re making the right choices.
(Or doing the things you’re meant to be doing.)
This panic becomes much worse when it seems like everyone else has their lives all figured out.
Then the question comes again:
“What am I even doing?”
You probably ask yourself that every now and then.
I do too.
Most times, I don’t have the answer.
I don’t know how to curb that disturbing feeling of not being enough or doing enough as the days are passing.
But what I do know is that adulthood is not a race.
It’s not a competition.
There’s no grand prize for whoever achieves or accumulates the most.
Many times, it even bothers me how everything we are and achieve and become ends here on Earth.
And I wonder:
Why do humans spend their whole lives chasing and buying and getting?
It’s so easy to get caught up in the “grand mundane”
- Building the career, Having the family, Achieving the achievements, Meeting the expectations, etc.
But doing that just leaves room for this “panic” to grow.
Maybe we’re not meant to live life focused on doing all those things.
Maybe we’re meant to be concerned about the small, meaningful ways we can live each day.
Thinking:
What can I do today to make a difference?
What can I do today to be better than yesterday?
What can I do today that I’ll be proud of in a few years?
After all, it’s the “little things” that matter the most in life.
Whether you panic about it or not, time will continue to pass.
It waits for no man.
You will be older tomorrow than you are today.
You’ll be 30. Then 40. Then 60.
It’s inevitable, as long as you’re alive.
So how do you want to spend your time?
How do you want to spend this “adulthood” that so greatly terrifies you?
Will you keep dwelling on the abstract things you can’t control?
Or will you just live?
Someone once said:
Today is a gift, and that’s why it’s called the present.
If we spend too much time worrying about whether we’re living life “right,”
then we risk missing out on actually living the life.
It’s okay to be afraid sometimes.
It’s okay to wish you had more figured out.
But that fear should never hold you back.
Because while you’re busy worrying about what’s next,
life is happening right now.
We probably won’t get every decision right, and that’s okay.
What matters is that we keep going.
That we “trust” and “enjoy” the process.
Because this “process” of living? We only get one chance at it.
So, look around.
Find the goodness in today, no matter how small.
And trust that even if you don’t know it all, you’re still growing, still learning, still becoming.
The happiest people in life aren’t those who have “figured it all out.”
It’s those who don’t worry about it and choose to just live instead.
Adulthood is not a death sentence.
It is not the countdown to the end of your life.
It’s not the termination of your dreams
or the loss of the “childlike” things that give you joy.
It’s not a call to live a life that’s focused on just working and paying bills and handing responsibilities.
It’s not a call to pressure yourself into being everything all at once.
There’s nothing in it to be afraid of.
Each day is a chance to live, to love, to laugh, and to leave a piece of yourself in the world.
Don’t let the “end of the year” blues get you down.
Or get you thinking that you’re running out of time.
Or falling behind.
Don’t look at your “2024 Achievements” and feel like you’re lacking.
At the end of the day, life is not about how much we accomplish.
It’s about how fully we live.
That’s just how I feel anyway.
I’m just like you.
I’m still figuring things out.
One day at a time.
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Omo, sometimes I think I am weird, but I enjoy adulthood so much
That 100% responsibility part is what I even love the most because I grew up with my parents wanting to make decisions for me
Getting older doesn't scare me. It more like overwhelms and excites me. Sure, the older we get, the bigger the responsibilities (that sucks), but anytime I think about the fact that I'm getting older, I look forward to it. Sometimes I pause to think, "Wow, wasn’t i 8 years like yesterday?" 😹
Idk, but I'm so curious to see what 30 years old me look like😹😭