unfortunately, you might have to settle for less

sorry about that

May 15, 2025

“Never settle for less than you deserve.”
“Never accept anything below your worth.”
“Never compromise on your standards.”

Those are the foundational mantras nowadays.

Especially when it comes to platonic friendships and romantic relationships.

We write them in captions, print them on t-shirts, chant them in podcasts, and we have, more or less, stitched them into the fabric of this generation’s philosophy on companionship.

I won’t say it’s necessarily a “bad thing”.

I mean, for years, people suffered in relationships because they made their own “needs” secondary and chose to focus more of their energy on pleasing their respective partners.

This was (is?) especially common for women who grew up in certain traditional and religious contexts where their required “submission” to their husbands as the “head of the family” was (is?) taken to extreme levels.

So, maybe this new perspective shift to a focus on self-worth, knowing what you deserve, and refusing to accept anything less should be a welcome development.

Maybe it is “empowering” to women (and men) who are tired of the status quo and have now decided to put themselves first in every and any relationship that they are in.

Maybe? Maybe.

However, when you look beyond the surface, you’ll realise that these “affirmations” are just another one of the excuses people nowadays use to avoid the difficult reality of human nature and what being human really entails.

I’ll explain what I mean.

As with thousands of many other things, the internet has managed to skewer the meanings and interpretations that we give to certain words, phrases and sentences.

For example:
“Never settle.”

Once upon a time, that phrase might have been about self-respect and knowing your worth.

It was used to encourage people to refuse to stay in situations that were clearly unhealthy or unloving for them.

But now, thanks to the internet, TikTok, and everyone’s endless desire to never appear vulnerable or human while still having an opinion on what it means to be vulnerable or human, that phrase has become something else entirely.

Now, “never settle for less” is just a mere shield.

It’s a polished and viral way to say:
I don’t want to deal with the messiness of real people.
I don’t want to risk being disappointed in my relationships.
I want to be loved on my terms, at my pace, and by someone who already knows how to love me perfectly.
And if they don’t tick every box I’ve imagined in my head or make me feel loved every second of every day, then I’m out.

As unrealistic as this sounds, many people (subconsciously, at least) think and act this way.

For them, accepting anything outside a “perfect” partner and a relationship that’s always “giving” just means that they’re lowering their standards and compromising their entire identity.

And they couldn’t be more wrong.

Breaking News - There’s no human being that is perfect.

None.

There was only ever one perfect person, and He’s not even here anymore.

No man or woman anywhere, no matter how beautiful, smart, or flawless they appear, is perfect.

This naturally means that whatever these imperfect people do, say, or get involved in will also inherit this imperfection.

So, now imagine what happens when two of these imperfect people come together and say they want to build a relationship.

Will imperfect + imperfect then = perfect?

No?

So why are you, an imperfect person, looking for a “perfect” person that will provide you with the most perfect marriage or friendship or whatever-ship.

Is that not unfair?

You are messy.

He/she is messy.

Emotions are messy.

Relationships are messy.

That love that you so greatly desire will probably challenge you more times than it comforts you.

You’ve romanticised perfection.

You expect ease.

You want chemistry, communication, emotional intelligence, ambition, deep spiritual connection, and physical attraction, all wrapped up in the one person who also never triggers you, disappoints you, or comes with their own broken pieces.

Haba.

Such a person does not exist.

And even if they did, they would probably never choose you, because it’s not like you’re perfect either, so they would be the ones settling for less.

You’re still healing.

You’re still learning how to communicate without shutting down.

You’re still figuring out how to love without fear.

You’re still trying not to self-sabotage when someone actually stays.

And since you extend yourself a lot of grace while you slowly try to be a better person, why don’t you extend that same grace to others?

Why do you expect another human being to show up flawless when you yourself are still learning how to show up fully?

Love is a choice.

A daily, difficult, deliberate choice.

It’s choosing someone even when they’re not at their best.

It’s staying when the spark fades and learning how to build connection again.

It’s seeing someone’s flaws and not using them as an excuse to walk away but as an invitation to lean in closer to them.

Having a partner that gets angry sometimes, forgets to reply to texts, occasionally desires their own personal space, starts a few misunderstandings, and makes some mistakes, etc., doesn’t mean you’re “settling”.

In fact, if such a person is aware of their shortcomings and makes conscious efforts (both in words and actions) to do better, then you’re ridiculously lucky.

Especially since you’ll often do the same to them too.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have certain traits or qualities that are non-negotiable in order for someone to be your friend or partner.

I’m saying that, in your quest to only love someone that’s “worth it”, don’t choke out the space for people to still be human.

Less perfection is what allows space for more grace.

Less fantasy is what makes room for something real.

Less aesthetics is what lets us enjoy the simple truth of reality.

So yes, please, settle.

Settle for humanity.

Settle for imperfection.

Settle for someone who tries, who shows up, and who chooses you.