are you worth what you think you’re worth?
do you deserve the things you say you deserve?
I view this post as a (sort of) unofficial second part to this:
One very fascinating thing about people today is that we all enjoy speaking in affirmations.
And we do it very fluently too.
We call ourselves things like “kings”, “queens”, “high-value men”, “boss babes”, and everything in between.
You probably have one or two different ways that you affirm what you believe about yourself, and I do too.
There’s absolutely no crime in that.
I just find it very interesting how someone can describe themselves in a certain way but yet act and appear as the complete opposite.
A few years ago, I saw a tweet that said: “Men will see the standard you’ve set for yourself and still want to offer you the bare minimum.”
Someone then quoted that tweet and replied: “Just cause you overestimated your value doesn’t mean I have to do the same.”
Was that a rude reply? Maybe.
But it birthed a thought in my mind, and the thought was:
The “price” you attach to yourself doesn’t necessarily equate to the value that you reflect on the outside or the value that others will place on you.
I’ll explain further in a minute, but note this first:
“PRICE” in this context means your desires, your standards, how you expect to be treated, your demands of partners and friends, etc.
“VALUE“ here means the worth you place on someone or something AND the level of agreement or disagreement you or others have towards the “price” placed on someone or something.
Might be confusing, but I promise to explain my point as simply as possible.
Now, ideally, value = price, yes?
High value should equal High price and Low value should equal Low price.
Unfortunately, this is not always so, and there’s one thing that will always influence the price of something or someone in relation to its proposed value.
PERCEPTION.
I mean, we see this all the time and in many different cases:
If a vendor calls a shirt for you at a certain price and you pick up the shirt to inspect it, it’s either you think:
A. God forbid! Why will I pay (x) amount for this shirt.
Or
B. Wow! This is such a steal. So this shirt is just (x) amount?
In thought A, the price the vendor attached to the shirt doesn’t equate to the value you perceive it as, so you would never pay a high price for it.
It’s either you negotiate the price or you move on to another shirt.
In thought B, the price the vendor attached to the shirt is way below the value you perceive it should be, and so you would pay the demanded price for it.
You might even be willing to pay higher as long as the value you’ve attached to the shirt is higher than the price you’re asked to pay.
Please, take a minute to ponder that.
They say, “actions speak louder than words,” and it’s very true.
Talk is very cheap.
It’s so easy to say something, to claim something, and to even declare yourself as something.
But when it comes to backing up the talk with action or living to the standard of what you’ve declared yourself to be- that’s a whole different ball game, and it’s where many people falter.
Being “this thing” or being “that person” goes way beyond just calling yourself as such; it’s more inherently reliant on you consistently showing yourself as such a thing or person.
It’s in your habits.
It’s in your behaviour.
It’s in you act when no one is watching.
Unfortunately, it’s also in the way others see and view you, because:
The world doesn’t reward you for what you say or think you are, it rewards you for what you actually are.
If you were living life in isolation, maybe this last part wouldn’t matter much, but because you live among and interact with many different people everyday, it matters a very great deal.
Just for the sake of clarity, I believe that the value you place on yourself matters more than what is ascribed to you by any other person.
Outside perception or validation should never be the foundation on which you view your worth as a person.
I also believe that you and I should never belittle the price (or standards) that we have set on/for ourselves for the sake of anybody else.
The most we can do is compromise when necessary and only for the people that are truly worth it.
However, there’s a question that’s worth being asked:
Are we truly worthy of the things that we believe we are worthy of?
For example:
You want to be loved deeply and beautifully, but are you cultivating the kind of emotional depth that will be able to reciprocate such love to someone even when they’re at their worst?
I want to be respected by others, but does my lifestyle reflect discipline, empathy, self-awareness towards people? Or am I always rude, loud, and egoistic, constantly pulling others down every chance I get?
Think about it.
You can claim to deserve nothing but “genuine love” and I can claim to deserve “utmost respect”
- that’s the price we’ve attached to ourselves -
but is that the value we are reflecting?
Does the man/woman that wants to be in a relationship with you see you as somebody that’s worth pouring “genuine love” into?
Do the people around me (friends, co-workers, etc.) see me as somebody that deserves their “utmost respect”?
That’s the crux of the matter.
Because as much as self-valuation matters, you’ll never ever be treated with the same value that you have put on yourself if people don’t think you’re worth it.
I think I like it that way too, because as humans we can be very self—absorbed.
Everybody is so caught up in themselves that sometimes we’re not aware of the fact that we’re not as good or perfect or as kind as we think we are.
Sometimes, a little reality check from the outside is needed.
A very harsh - “Who do you think you are?”
Just to reset that pride and ego a bit.
Back in the university, I had a close friend that I could wait to be done with her classes so I could talk to her after, and I had another close friend that I would never do the same for.
Both of them were my good friends, but their actions over time and my perception of the both of them in relation to that “price” made me know that one was worth making the extra sacrifice for and the other simply wasn’t.
There were no hard feelings; it’s just how human emotions work.
That’s why people say things like: “If they want to, they will.” or “If you don’t do it, someone else will.”
Like it or not, that’s the truth.
In real life, perception matters a lot.
How you perceive yourself first, and then how others perceive you next.
People will often treat you based on the value you show and not just the price that you speak.
That’s why you can even think so very low of yourself, but you’ll meet someone that will treat you like the most precious thing in the world.
It’s because the value they place on you will never let them hold you to the same low standard that you hold yourself.
This is rare, but it happens.
It’s why you always have to hold yourself to the highest standard possible.
If you give yourself a low value and demand a low price for yourself, that’s exactly what you’ll get. And why not?
On the other hand, if you present yourself as high-value and back it up with matching actions, no right-thinking person will be able to belittle you.
That’s just the way it goes.
If your worth in words and your worth in perception don’t match, nobody will pay you any serious attention.
If you claim excellence but operate in mediocrity, the world will notice and treat you accordingly.
If you want a seat at the table but you haven’t done the work required to sit there with confidence, the moment you’re invited to join in, you’ll shrink in fear or you’ll sabotage it.
You’ll probably never even be invited to the table in the first place.
So maybe we need less of “Don’t you know my worth?” and more of “Can’t you see I’m worth what I claim to be worth?”
When you’re truly valuable, it’s not just because you’re just good for yourself; it’s because you’re good for others too.
Not performatively.
Not for their validation.
But from a place of depth and truth.
You can’t scream “I deserve to be loved!” when you’re emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, rude, entitled, unteachable, or stagnant.
You can’t ask for loyalty and commitment when you barely show up for others with the same intention.
You can’t do to others and not expect the same to be done to you.
In fact, in my humble opinion, self-worth without self-awareness is just noise.
It’s very easy to announce what you’re “worth” and what you think you “deserve”.
I mean, there are thousands of tweets and TikTok videos that already do that; just find one you like and repost it in your story.
That’s the easy part.
But to ponder if you really embody that worth you claim?
That’s when the difficult self-introspection comes in.
So yes, please, know your worth.
Place a high price on your time, your energy, and your presence.
But just make sure you back it up with the kind of value that makes it clear for everyone to see that you’re indeed “worth” it.
Not just because you said so, but because you truly live so.
And that is that.
Hope this made some sense to you.
READ NEXT-
READ “PART 1” -
Why comment section quiet like this?😂 una don catch una subs run?
Wow wow wow okay
I get so inspired every time I get to read your writing.
This is so on point.