The Idea of "Love Languages" is Really Stupid.
Who even came up with all of that?
What even is a “love language?”
How did we manage to turn the simple act of loving someone into a bunch of complicated phrases?
If you want to love, then love. It’s not so hard.
Just be kind to them.
I’ll show you why it’s all really stupid.
Quality Time
Why is this a love “language”? Isn’t spending time together the bedrock of any basic, healthy human relationship?
Imagine your partner tells you, “My love language is not ‘quality time’, so I can only spend ten minutes with you today.”
Doesn’t it sound absurd?
The idea that it’s negotiable to spend time with the person you claim to love feels very... redundant.
When you’re with someone, it should be normal to desire their company. Right?
Oh and by the way, if they always make excuses to avoid hanging out and are never eager to make new plans, I have some very bad news for you…
Physical Touch
I get that some people are not 100% comfortable with skin-to-skin contact (which is totally fine),
BUT
There’s probably a bigger issue at play, if you don’t enjoy the close proximity of someone you love.
Don’t say “It’s just not my love language.”
Hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc, are not some special love tokens, they’re the basics of human interaction.
We all crave the close comfort of the people we love.
Babies know this. Little kids knows this. Even dogs know this.
If you’re sharing your heart and your emotions with someone, you should, ideally, enjoy the intimacy of their touch.
(And to the men that ALWAYS put PHYSICAL TOUCH as their “best” love language, I know what you are. God sees us all.)
Acts of Service
If the desire to do nice things to/for someone you care about doesn’t come naturally to you, then you have a serious problem.
There’s nothing revolutionary about being a kind person, you should just be one.
Being helpful to your partner by assisting with assignments or holding the door while they pass is not a grand romantic gesture.
It’s just you not being a terrible partner.
You should even be ever-ready to go the extra mile and make some difficult sacrifices.
You already share your thoughts, emotions and maybe your bodies too, so why should simple acts of kindness be excluded?
Gifts Giving
Now, this is, very conveniently, the “favourite” love language of many women nowadays.
As long as they’re not doing the giving, of course.
Man or woman, if the health of your relationship depends on how many things you get from your partner, then maybe you don’t love them— maybe you’re just hungry.
It’s okay to leave a relationship if the giving is one-sided. Love is intentional. Someone that loves you will always give to you, no matter how little or seemingly insignificant.
Giving IS Love.
God LOVED us and GAVE us His only son.
Imagine He said, “Omo, I’m not really a gift giving guy o, so I can’t send Jesus to die for you. Sorry.”
Words of Affirmation
“I love you.” “You are amazing.” “I love having you here with me.”
If you’re not saying these things regularly, then what do you guys even say to each other?
It should be easy for you to reassure your partner and reaffirm your commitment to them.
It is not some special ability.
If you can’t do that properly, then you simply have bad communication skills.
Don’t blame it on the unavailability of any “love language”.
Blame yourself for not knowing how to talk to the person you claim to love and work on learning how to do it.
You are the problem.
You and the person you’re with deserve to enjoy love to it’s fullest capacity.
These things matter in every kind of relationship.
Now, I’m not saying these “languages” in themselves are stupid. It’s okay to know the exact ones that make your partner happy so you can do it more often, but never at the expense of everything else.
Love is action. It is the continual outpouring of kindness.
There’s no need for us to dissect it into five “special” categories.
We should just all be nicer to each other.
We should just love.
Bit of a lover boy myself, you know…
As much as I loved your perspective, In it’s original form the idea of love languages was just to have a scale, all love languages are absolutely important to create and sustain a healthy relationship but there are certain things that reach people more. However the question should probably be changed from what is your love language to something else. Maybe something in the lines of scale of preference
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